


Stephan

by simplykayley



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Lore (2011), The Dark Room by Rachel Seiffert
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - Nazi Germany, Antisemitism, Based on a German subtitled movie, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cate Shortland, Child Death, Crying, Dark, Death, F/M, German Steve Rogers, Germany, Hurt Steve Rogers, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Lore - Freeform, M/M, May 1945, Nazi Steve Rogers, Nazis, Protective Steve Rogers, Rachel Seiffert, References to Hitler, Sad Ending, Sadness, Steve Hates Bucky, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers's Sadness Errands, The AU no one asked for, The Black Forest, The Dark Room, WW2, WW2 Germany, sad Steve Rogers, sad bucky barnes, young Steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 16,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplykayley/pseuds/simplykayley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the Allies sweep across Germany, Stephan leads his siblings on a journey that exposes them to the truth of their parents' beliefs. An encounter with a mysterious refugee forces Stephan to rely on a person he has always been taught to hate.</p><p> </p><p>Based on the novel The Dark Room by Rachel Seiffert </p><p>Based on the movie Lore directed by Cate Shortland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to begin this story by saying the plot line is originally owned by Rachel Seiffert for her amazing story "The Dark Room". And it is also based on the movie called " Lore" which is based off the book and is also amazing as it is directed by Cate Shortland.

His head rested against the window seal, as he listened to his younger sister's bare feet slam against the bare concrete as she jumped over the rope she had gotten for her birthday, barely a month before,the noise barely keeping her older brother from sleep that called to him. 

one,

two,

three,

four,

five, six,

Stephan let his eyes drifted open and his fingers carefully ran through his blonde hair that he knew he had inherited from his Mutti, like all off his other younger siblings, along with her careful, piercing blue eyes. 

seven,

heaven,

He could see his sister's form from the upstairs window, along with a truck that he was surprised he hadn't seen or heard before with two men pulling the back open.

seven,

six, five,

four,

three,

two,

one,

hell,

He saw a figure exit the drivers side of the care and could instantly recognizable the man. 

Vati

He stood slowly and moved his fair colored hair out of his eyes and pulled a shirt over his still thin body and slowly let his bare feet carry him down the stairs towards the living room where he could hear his Vati's voice.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I did not say the glasses, Steph." She turned on him suddenly and he dropped it to the ground with a loud crash and a cringe.
> 
> His Mutti stared at him with watery eyes.
> 
> "You must listen, you must always listen. "

He knew from their voices that they were arguing about something. 

His foot creaked against the wooden stairs before he could hear anymore and they both looked towards the staircase at him. 

"Hey!" Vati called and Stephan smiled at him as he took the steps quickly. 

"Stephan, look how different you look!" He cried out in surprise, petting his blonde head as he looked him up and down in amazement. Stephen couldn't see what he was so surprised about, aside from the growth in height and slight build up on his muscles he looked no different in the mirror. 

He smiles lovingly at his father. "Not to different, Vati." 

"I'm thankful for that everyday, my son." His father smiles at him as he pulled him into another hug, and Stephen could feel his Mutti's blue eyes that look exactly like his staring into his back. 

"Steph." His mother called calmly and he twisted around to look at her. 

"Wake the twins, they must help us pack." She says bitterly and Stephan turns to look at his Vati again. 

"Vati, you will come as well, right?" 

He heard their mother laugh bitterly and walk past them. 

"Aren't you going to answer him, Jozef?" 

••••••

Plates and silverware tinkered as they worked furiously. 

"Just take 6 plates and cups for us, but all the silverware, Sara." Their mother commanded his little sister as she hustled around with a cigarette between her fingers, pointing out things for them all to do. 

"I did not say the glasses, Steph." She turned on him suddenly and he dropped it to the ground with a loud crash and a cringe.

His Mutti stared at him with watery eyes. 

"You must listen, you must always listen. "

••••••

The flames from outside casted the whole room in a pale, red light as he picked up stray papers. 

He slowly pulled the curtain back and watched as their father burned their lives in a few seconds.

•••••• 

The shot rang out as I walked away from my father and the dog. 

He cringed and stopped in his tracks as he knew exactly what he had done. 

He closed my eyes and lowered my head as he heard his footsteps behind him before stopping in front of him to stare at me for a moment then shutting off the lights. 

"There is always pain before the victory, Stephan." 

•••••••  
The roads were dark as they drove but Stephan could still see the dark forest as they drove past. 

Stephen looked over and saw the twins huddled closely together, and his sister was at his side as she comforted their youngest sibling. 

He glanced briefly at their mother and could see her wipe away her tears before he looked in worry at Sara.

She just shook her head.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara bent down picked up a burnt picture, showing it to Stephan.
> 
> "Look Stephan, The Führer." She said and Stephen slapped it out of her hand quickly.
> 
> "Don't touch it, we must leave here." He said, looking around as he suddenly noticed the ashes floating through the air like snow.

"Come, boy, come!" The strange man commanded him as he helped his siblings down from the truck. 

He turned away from his parents as his Mutti got out from the front of the car and told his siblings to follow the man. 

They ignored their Vati's angry yell. 

••••••

He stared at his siblings beside him for a moment, before deciding that they were all asleep and making his way towards his parents room. 

He pressed his eye against the crack in the door and almost pulled away at the sight. His Vati hands feeling up his Mutti's body. 

"You are a dirty coward." He heard the soft whisper from his Mutti.

He jumped slightly at the slap and pushed the door open making them both look at him.

"Are you staying Vatti?" He asked, staring at his father as they both looked guilty. 

••••••

The cows mooed as he slowly walked into the barn. His bare feet felt odd against the ground. 

"Heil Hitler." He raised his arm slightly in greeting but the man that had helped them to the house barely glanced up before going back to his work. 

"Is your mother awake?" The man asked as a boy with a limp suddenly walked in, drawing his eyes to his leg. 

"Yes." He answered briefly before letting his eyes drop back to the boys leg, ignoring his gaze. 

"Take this." The man thrusted a bucket at him and he smiled a thank you before leaving.

••••••

He could hear his brother's playing in the fields as he followed his younger brother through the woods. 

He raced his younger sister, his longer legs taking him much quicker as they raced through the dark woods. 

"Wait, Stephen, wait!" His sister called and he laughed as he turned on her.

He pulled small pieces of things out of his sister's hair as he saw them land. When he brought them closer to his face he could tell they were ashes. 

Sara bent down picked up a burnt picture, showing it to Stephan. 

"Look Stephan, The Führer." She said and Stephen slapped it out of her hand quickly. 

"Don't touch it, we must leave here." He said, looking around as he suddenly noticed the ashes floating through the air like snow. 

"We must come away from here." 

••••••

Stephen held the baby as he watched his mother comb through her hair, the noise of his siblings muffled by the windows.  
"It's coming Mutti isn't it?" He asked suddenly, rocking the baby as she looked over her shoulder at him. 

"What?" She asked in confusion.

"The final victory." He supplied and his mother was silent as she watched him. 

"Put the others to bed, I'll be back soon." She said, then she was out the door.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He is gone, it is over." She sobbed and he had no idea what she was talking about as he continued to look at her.
> 
> "He is dead, Steph." She cried and his lip began to tremble.
> 
> "Vati?" He asked.
> 
> "Vati." She repeated with a sad laugh and a shake of her head.
> 
> "Our Führer, Steph." She clarified and he took a step back.
> 
> "He's dead."

The radio was muffled but he could hear the chanting as he walked through the house. 

He walked down the stairs to the basement and looked towards the small fire place that was burning photographs. 

He looked in every dark corner of the room and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he couldn't find his Mutti. 

"Mutti?" He called out and received no reply. 

He noticed the open door and took a step into the cold, night air, finally seeing his mother stacking pieces of wood in her arms and he instantly knew something was wrong as she dropped pieces on the floor. 

"Let me help." He muttered and bent down to take some of the pieces as she fell down on her knees, drawing a gasp from his son as he tried to help her up. 

"Stay away from me." She cried, throwing her arm back and hitting him in the chest.

"What has happened?" His voice trembled as he held his hands a save distance away from her but was there in case she fell again. 

He followed her back inside as she lit a cigarette with shaking fingers and he crossed the room to get her robe to cover herself as she grabbed a rag and began to rub the bloody cuts between her legs and he tried to lay the rope over her. 

"Put the robe over it." He tried and she continued to try to cover her until she kicked her leg out and hit him in the thigh with her heel. 

"Why are you looking at me?" She asked, her eyes glossy with tears as she stared back at her son. 

"Stop it." She growled and he backed up as she wiped her nose.  
"Do you hear?" She asked and he didn't answer her as she pressed against the bloody wounds. 

"He is gone, it is over." She sobbed and he had no idea what she was talking about as he continued to look at her. 

"He is dead, Steph." She cried and his lip began to tremble. 

"Vati?" He asked. 

"Vati." She repeated with a sad laugh and a shake of her head. 

"Our Führer, Steph." She clarified and he took a step back. 

"He's dead." 

•••••••

"Mutti?" He asked, coming into the room, cradling his baby brother. 

"There us nothing for Mika." He says dully and she doesn't look away from the window. 

He comes closer and tried to ignore the bucket by her bed as he gently laughed the baby next to her and began to pull her shirt down. 

He ignored the disgusted glare she sent him.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is your mother still here?" She asked and he tilted his head at her in confusion.
> 
> "Yes, of course." He confirmed.
> 
> "We thought they had taken her to prison." She states at him and the farmer comes to stand behind her.

She ignores Jozef as he tapped his foot impatiently as they waited for the farmer's wife to come to the door. 

"Yes?" She asked as soon as the door opened. 

"We were wondering if we may but some food?" He asked and slapped Jozef's wrist sharply as he begins to move back and forth. 

She sighed as she looked them up and down and he thinks that she is going to refuse them but then he pulled the money out of his pocket to hand to her.

She motioned for the basket and came back a few moments later with it filled with food. 

"Is your mother still here?" She asked and he tilted his head at her in confusion. 

"Yes, of course." He confirmed. 

"We thought they had taken her to prison." She states at him and the farmer comes to stand behind her. 

••••••

He stops in his tracks as the truck comes down the road. 

They quickly pass him and continue down the road and Stephan can see the American soldiers with guns staring at him from the back and he takes off running towards their house with the basket in hand.

•••••

"I have to go to your father." She tells him from the table and looks up at him. 

"If I'm not back within 3 days, you must take your brothers and sister to your Omi." She droaned on in a chocked voice, looking at Stephan in the doorway. 

"You can go to the train station and buy tickets to Hamburg." She said, her bony and nimble fingers pressing things into her bag. He feels like he's drowning and he doesn't know how to fix it as he continues to stare at her from the doorway. 

She continues on and doesn't even look in his direction. "Then to Husum from there, then over the mud." She finishes her instructions to him and finally looks at him with glossy eyes that must match his own. 

"You understand, Steph?" She asked and he knows it but he can't figure out the bigger meaning to her question so he just nods stiffly.

"Hamburg is very far though, Mutti." He says slowly and she stands up and stares at his face for a moment as tears run down her face. 

"Yes, I know. But if I do not come to them, they will come for me and take you with me, and they kill children, you see?" She says and Stephan thinks that it is more to convince herself. 

"Use the money first." She gets the money off the table and puts it in a pile. "There's jewelry in my big suitcase." She says, pulling her wedding ring off of her finger. 

"Are you going to prison?" He asked but doesn't understand the words coming from his mouth. 

Her eyes are big when she looks up at him. 

"You cannot worry, you must be brave now." 

"I won't." He nodded and she smiles at him. 

"It's just a camp." She tried to tell him but he nods anyway. 

"Prison is for criminals." She tells him and stands up to her full height and walks past him to get her bags. 

He doesn't help. 

She stops to look down at Mika for a minute before sighing and putting her bags down one more time to pick up the baby. 

She walks back towards him and presses a kiss to the babies blonde curls. 

"Take him." She tells him and tries to press the infant into his arms as if she's trying to hand him a dead animal. 

"Take him!" She says stronger this time and Stephan can hear tears in her voice as she presses him into the wall to puts the blonde child into his arms. 

He cries as she puts on her coat. 

"You aren't coming back, are you?" He asks as he sits back on the bed, cradling the baby in his arms. 

She doesn't answer him, but he can see the answer in her teary eyes. 

She leans forward and presses one palm to his wet cheek. 

"Remember who you are." 

Then she is gone.

••••••

His feet slam against the road as he runs through the dark forest in the direction of his mother. 

They stop feet away from each other and stare. 

She takes one good look at him before she turns around and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Kudos? Let me know that you guys like this. :)


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You mustn't worry." He whispered softly to her smallest brother as the sun began to sit outside the clear window.
> 
> "They will be here soon." He petted his cheek lovingly as he dozed off. "But we mustn't be afraid." He reminded him softly.
> 
> "Before the victory, there is always pain." He whispered in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter! More action is going to happen after this chapter!

"You mustn't worry." He whispered softly to her smallest brother as the sun began to sit outside the clear window.

"They will be here soon." He petted his cheek lovingly as he dozed off. "But we mustn't be afraid." He reminded him softly. 

"Before the victory, there is always pain." He whispered in his ear. 

••••••

"Hold his head up." He commanded Sara as the twins played carelessly at the table. 

"It mustn't go under." He reminded her as the water splashed around. 

"Would he drown if it goes under?" Sara asked curiously and he nodded his head at her. "It might, so we can't let that happen."

"There was once a boy in Hamburg that drowned." He informed her and she became silent. 

"Who is this?" Tomas asked, holding up a picture book that they had brought with them to the house. 

He looked over her shoulder at the picture he pointed too before turning back to the baby. "It's Mutti's brother, he got very sick during the first war and he died." He told them and they began to flip to another page. 

"Where is this?" They asked, holding up a picture of a house that Stephan hadn't seen in years. 

"That is Omi's house." He smiled at them. "It is big and beautiful." 

"You will love it." 

"Where is Mutti?" Jozef suddenly asked, not taking his eyes away from the picture but Stephan still froze in place as he tried to think of something to say. 

"Close, with Vati." He finally answered, continuing to wash the baby. 

"If they are close, why don't they come for us?" He asked and Stephan turned to look at him with a soft smile. 

"Because they are picking out the house, silly, and they want it to be a surprise." He said before he turned around again and ended the discussion. 

••••••

His knuckle cracked against the door but still no one came to the door. 

He followed Sara's gaze and barely saw the face in the window before the curtain was pulled down again. 

"Why won't he open the door?" Sara asked, looking over at him curiously. 

He stared at her for a moment. 

"I don't know." 

••••••

The rain dripped down, down, down onto the grass as he put pieces of wood into his arms to start a fire. 

He heard the footsteps behind him and turned to see the farmer dragging Tomas towards him by his arm and his stomach sank down to the wet grass at his feet. 

"I caught him stealing." The man snapped, a pail in his other hand as he stared at Stephan angrily. "  
"I don't know how your parents brought you up." He continued to rant as they watched him with large eyes. 

"You think you can just help yourself?" He asked and Stephan knew better than to answer the question. 

"Is that what they taught you in Hitler Youth?" He continued and Stephan took a step back away from him as he threw the pail of milk to the ground at his feet. 

He could feel the red in his cheeks when Tomas got to the ground and cupped a handful of milk in his tiny hands but was stopped when the man dragged him up and grabbed his pail. 

"This is not your house,no one wants you here." He snapped in his face. "We'll keep the baby, but the rest of you must go." He told him before turning around and beginning to match back towards his house on the other side of the hill. 

Stephan looked at the milk on the ground then at her brother staring up at him before he threw the wood back at the pile with a snarl and dragged his brother into the house by his arm.

••••••

"Get in the box." He snapped as Tomas began to call out for Mutti. 

He ignored his yelling as he shut the lid and sat down on top so he couldn't get out. 

"Let him go." Jozef yelled at him as he tried to open the lid with him on top. 

"A good German boy does not steal then cry like a baby." He sniffled and looked down at the wiggling box with his brother inside 

"When is Mutti coming back?" Jozef cried. 

"Never." He snapped cruelly at him. 

"Get away." He kicked out at Jozef as he tried to ignore him. "Tomas is a dirty little thief, and now we have to leave." He wiped at his wet cheeks as he threw something on top of the box to keep it in place. 

"All because of Tomas." He snapped as he quickly began to pack their things, putting the jewelry his mother gave him in a side bag. 

"Come out." He said as he pulled him out, ignoring Jozef's and Sara's complaining. "This is all your fault." He snapped at him, pointing a finger. 

He tried to get away and it only increased his anger as he gripped his arm tightly. "The Americans have special little camps for children like you,horrible places where children are tortured and killed" He spit and pushed him back. 

"She may come tomorrow." Sara stood up and Tomas tried to wrap his arms around him. "I don't want to go to prison, Steph." But he pushed him back. 

"No, she's not." He said, looking around at all his siblings. "She talked to me, when you weren't there, we have to meet her at Omi's house, she's waiting for us there." He lied to them as he saw them process it. 

"Vati too." She added and closed the lid of the box and told them to go quickly pack their things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, hope you guys liked this chapter! More action is up next! Comment your opinions and give me kudos! It really helps. :) xx


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He walked farther into the barn but stopped in his tracks when he turned the corner into a horse stall.
> 
> It was the bloody body of a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is extremely unedited and I literally just finished it two minutes ago but I wanted to give you guys a chapter. Hopeyou all like! :)

Their bags were heavy as they carried them down the fort path and through the valley towards the main road, Stephan stayed behind to make sure that none of his siblings fell behind. 

They kept walking through the woods until they couldn't make out the house anymore. 

••••••

His feet slammed against the road as he ran towards the wagon. 

"I can pay you!" He called out, coming around the corner of the wagon to run along side it, trying to get the old man's attention. 

He stopped when he repeated himself and turned towards the young boy, a scowl on his old and tired face. 

"We want to go to the train station." He tried again desperately as he continued to look at him. Sara pushed the cart with the baby sleeping in it towards them, with Jozef and Tomas on her heals. 

"Did your mother make you that shirt?" The man's wife who was sitting in the wagon suddenly asked him with a slight judgemental tone and he looked down at his clothing with a frown before looking back up at her. 

"This is from a store." He said, nervously picking at one of the middle buttons. 

"Where is your mother now?" She asked him, and he opened his mouth for a moment and looked at his siblings before looking back at her to answer. 

"Hamburg, with Omi." He answered strongly. 

"And your father?" She asked and Stephan suddenly felt a weight on his shoulders that made him want to fall to the ground. 

"Dead?" 

"He's fighting." Jozef spoke up from behind Sara and the woman looked down at his brother with a small smile. 

"Then he must be a fool." She laughed slightly and Stephan looked down at the ground, not answering. 

"We don't have trains anymore, the Americans took them." The man suddenly spoke up and Stephan looked at him with a shake of his head, not believing it. 

"You are heading to Karlsruhe on this road." The woman said but the words of the man continued to play in his head. How was he ever going to get them to Hamburg? 

"Over to the French, if you go to far." She continued, matter of factly, and Stephan finally turned to look at her. 

"We need to go to Hamburg." He tried to argue urgently and the man must have seen his desperation as he spoke again. 

"Go across the field, you'll see the road." He told him and pointing, Stephan followed his finger. 

Stephan pursed his lips and stared at the woman as she held a egg out to him. "Here, for the baby." She tried to tell him and he held his hand out so that she could place it in his palm before the man whipped the horses and they continued up the road and then they began to walk away from the couple and towards the field the man had pointed him towards. 

They threw down all their suitcase so they didn't have to carry around so much weight and filled their side bags with a few meager belongs and the money and jewelry Mutti had given him. 

••••••

"Can you help?" He snapped at Sara as they tried to drag the carriage out of the muddy ground. 

"You have to push." He instructed and he began to pull forward again and they entered the forest. 

••••••

"Stop it!" He snapped at the boys as he caught them breaking the windows out of the abandoned building that they had come across in the woods.

"What are you doing?" He asked and they froze in their tracks with the stick in their hands. 

"It's already broken." They tried to say and Stephan rolled his eyes at their stupidity. 

"Doesn't matter, just leave it." She told them and pointed to Sara who was sitting in front of the building just a couple of feet away that was also abandoned with green vines crawling up the sides and onto the roof. 

"Go sit over there." He told them and they started over with childish sighs. 

••••••

He looked in every coop in the barn but all he could find were egg shells scattered everywhere as he lifted himself up on his tippy toes to look at the very top ones. 

He bent down to the ground and shifted through the egg shells one more time and found nothing once again. He pulled a few strands of hay from the ground and stood up as be began to crack them. 

He walked farther into the barn but stopped in his tracks when he turned the corner into a horse stall. 

It was the bloody body of a girl. 

He couldn't take his eyes away as they ran up and down the bloody and barely recognizable body. He felt like he was choking on nothing and their was a horrible lump in his throat that he couldn't get rid of as he turned around as he couldn't even begin to wonder what had happened to the girl. He saw Sara and Jozef behind him, staring at the body with the same looks on their faces that must have been present on his. 

He felt like he was going to faint from lack of air as he continued to look, not trying to shield his siblings away as they stared ahead also. 

A sudden thought came to his head as he stared out the window. 

"Where is Tomas?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good? Bad? Give me your opinions below. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gasped lightly when he saw the young man's body on the ground and he was certain that he had come across another corpse when the man lifted his head and stared at him with tired, grey eyes.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter. This is the chapter were Bucky comes in. There is just a brief scene but there will be more of him later on.

He stares at their faces but they are still staring at the body in front of them and he pushes past them and out the door in a hurry. 

There is no door on the hinges as he walked into the abandoned house. He looks in every dark corner of the property for his brother as be begins to walk forward but finds nothing. 

"Tomas?" He called out softly, turning the corner into a hallway that took him farther into the house. 

"Tomas." He called, looking up the flight of stairs before he grabs the railing and pulls himself up. He was afraid to find out if the cause of that girl's death was upstairs still. 

He stayed near the white wall as he peaked into every passing room. He turned and saw the doors opened to a room he hadn't checked yet, the curtains were a pink color that casted the whole room in a pink color and Stephan couldn't help himself when he began to wonder if it was the girls room. 

"Tomas." He called again and slowly peaked around the corner, but didn't understand why. He was to afraid to wonder. 

He gasped lightly when he saw the young man's body on the ground and he was certain that he had come across another corpse when the man lifted his head and stared at him with tired, grey eyes. 

He casted his eyes down quickly and broke their gaze as he began to back out. "Excuse me." He nodded softly and left the room in a hurry. 

He was certain that he had never left a house so quickly in his whole entire life. 

••••••

They stopped next to a river where other people sat, washing their clothing and drinking from the same water. 

He handed Sara the baby and watched her for a moment as she began to bounce the baby up and down to calm him, and carefully instructed her to make sure that the twins did not go go to far down the river as he tried to go find them some food. 

The woman continued to beat a blanket on a branch with a small bit playing in the rocks behind her and he slowly walked towards her. 

"Do you have any food?" He asked timidly and she barely spared him a glance as she continued to beat the blanket. 

"I can pay you for it." He said and pulled the small black pouch out of his pocket that held all the coins and jewelry. 

••••••

"Try not to put so much wood on it." He told the children as he walked back and forth across their little camp, bouncing the screaming baby on his hip, trying to get him to calm down. 

"Try blowing on it alittle." Sara told Jozef and he followed her instructions as he bent down towards the ground. 

"No so hard, your blowing it out." Stephan snapped at him as he blew as hard as he could. The babies screams were slowly driving him mad. 

"Sara, pour the eggs in the bowl and just leave the fire alone." He finally told her, tired of seeing the three struggle to start a flame. 

"Will you stop!" He suddenly shouted at the baby, but his crying just grew in volume as he walked away from the camp. 

The babies were barely heard over the river he was laid by as they are raw eggs in silence by the pile of smoldering sticks, watching the forest get darker and darker until it was pitch black. 

•••••• 

There were people everywhere. Young, Old, some spoke languages Stephan could not understand and some barely moved at all. 

He turned towards his siblings and told them to stay where they stood as he walked through the crowd and finally towards a mother holding her child to her chest.

"This is my brother, Micah." He spoke up and she turned her head to look at him, her eyes were cold and distant and looked like they could be once called blue. 

"He's hungry." He tries again but the woman still does not respond, just goes back to rocking her baby. 

He looks around at the hundreds of strange faces and begins to shift through his pocket until he can pull out one of his mother's hair pieces. 

"Here." He says and the piece is pulled out of his hand by bony fingers. 

She lays her baby down and Stephan hands her Micah before reaching into his side bag to pull out a napkin. 

"Clean yourself." He says, referring to her chest but she ignores him and presses Micah to her chest as he begins to suck. He slowly pulls the handkerchief back and holds it as he watches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is one of my favorite chapters to write so far, and I hope you guys like it as much as I do. Give me your opinions in the comment section below us. :)


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let me see." He hears someone say and looks behind him to see the boy that had been at the abandoned house. His dark hair is uncombed but clean and unlike at the abandoned house, his eyes are now a dangerous grey, and Stephan can smell the whiskey on his breathe.

The bodies just stood there as he tried to push his way through the crowd to see. 

He almost wanted to turn back around. 

They were so horrible, that the only possibility was that they were fake, as many whispered around him. 

Pictures of men, women, and children. Living skeletons that looked like they would blow away with one gust of a winter's wind. Piles of bodies, limbs scattered across the ground in unrealistic positions. There's a man with his shirt open, his ribs can be seen over his thin, paper like skin. 

The glue that holds the pictures up is still fresh. He runs his finger over the crease and pulls away to look at his fingers, wiping it away on his pants. 

The group of people are hushed, making the ringing in his ears sound impossibly loud. He reads over the text and some of the places and words sound familiar, others do not. 

He can't feel air moving through his lungs and he feels like choking. He trapped by the group of people, and they are taking his air. 

He sees the group of soldiers and begins to think of his own father. Did he kill like the men in those pictures? Was he one of the men in those pictures? 

He turns away from the horrible pictures and leaves the crowd, because he knows that he can't stay there any longer. 

He stops for a moment once he has his back towards the crowd, and he wipes at his cheeks. 

‹›

He listens to them argue about the food early in the morning, he pulls the glue on his fingers as he waits for the first light of the sun.  
‹›

The pale lights barely pass a glow across his boots as he hears a noise from the side of the building. 

He zips his zipper and slowly walks to peek around the corner of the building. 

He holds his hand to her throat as he holds her up against the wall by force, she grunts loudly as the man roughly feels her chest and Stephan spins around as he hears a bottle roll behind him. He can still see the image behind his eyes. 

He walks past the campfire that is surrounded by dirty men that he had never seen before and he unconsciously begins to walk faster past the group. 

He runs his fingers over the pictures that he had seen earlier. The glue is dry now, as it is on his finger, and easier to tear away as he rips away the picture of the soldiers in the corner. 

"Let me see." He hears someone say and looks behind him to see the boy that had been at the abandoned house. His dark hair is uncombed but clean and unlike at the abandoned house, his eyes are now a dangerous grey, and Stephan can smell the whiskey on his breathe. 

He pulls away from his hands and he slams him against the wall and he lets out a small grunt as the man slams both of his wrists beside his head, and he is shaking in fear. 

Their eyes meet for one moment, then his mouth is pressed to Stephan's pulse point and he fights but does not scream. There is no one to help.

He quickly gets out of his grasp and walks away and does not turn his head around to look back at the man. He does not want to forever remember his face as well. 

He doesn't look back until he's back to his siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter, it's kind of intense so I hope it's ok. There will be more chapters coming because my summer bresk starts in 3 days so im so excited. ☀☀☀


	10. 10.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can stay here." The woman pleads, coming towards him. "With the baby they give you food." She tries to convince him. 
> 
> "You have the boys, yes? The twins?" She asked and Stephan knows what she is trying to ask for.
> 
> "Leave me the baby." She begs and he takes Micha from her arms and stares at her over his head.

"Try that." He tells him, finishing the knot with a jerk. 

He stands and walks a few steps before he nods at her. 

"That boy was at the school house." He said casually, looking over her shoulder, and Stephan whipped around to see what he was talking about. 

The boy. The one that had touched him. He was far away, but Stephan had no doubt that it was him. 

He gripped the carriage holding the baby and ushered the children forward, looking over his shoulder at the man every few seconds. "Come quickly." 

 

All the clothes were dark. 

It dripped onto their hands like a black blood, staining them, marking them. 

The boys giggled as they flicked it back and forth at each other. 

He could feel Sara's eyes on him as he walked towards the open door. 

 

The windows were opened, the curtains billowing, and there was cold food on the table. 

"Who are you child?" 

He whipped around with a gasp and took in the old woman standing in the doorway. 

"We just wanted something to eat?" He said timidly. 

"We? Where are they - mother, father?" She asked, surprise in her voice. 

Before he could answer she was moving towards him and he didn't even have a moment to take a step back. " I have water." She told him and moved to take the pitcher off the table behind him. "That is all."

She put the pitcher on the table and looked over her shoulder at the crying baby. Stephan stared at Sara with big eyes. 

She moved forward with a coo, and Stephan narrowed his eyes at her back. She lifted the babies shirt up with one finger to reveal the marks on his stomach and she made a noise. "This baby has bed bugs." She said and looked over her shoulder at him. 

She came towards him and she looked angry, he walked backwards as she talked to him. "They are all dead, I have nothing!" She threw her hands up and Stephan didn't know what she was talking about. 

"I have paraffin, what can you give me?" She finally calmed and Stephan quickly pulled the jewelry out of his side bag, she quickly pulled the ring from his fingers. 

"But that is worth more than the paraffin." He told her as she continued to admire the ring. 

"Anything else? Then I'll get you food from the village." She said and Stephan pulled the bag out again. 

He held the other gold ring out to her in his black stained hand and he could see Sara staring at him from the doorway. 

"This was my mother's." He said and the woman carefully took it out of her palm. 

She was crying. 

 

He wiped at the black on his hands as Sara angrily ripped the cloth through his hair, running the paraffin through it. 

"It won't work." She stated angrily, and tugged extra hard on short blonde strands of his hair. He continued to ignore her and look across the old woman's yard. 

"You gave her to much." She started up again and Stephan's lip began to pull back across his lips in a snarl as he tried to ignore her.

"You shouldn't have given her the ring. What else have you got? Nothing?" She whispered close to his ear. 

"It stinks." She mutters and he whirls around to grip her blonde hair and pull her close to his face as hard as he could and whisper words filled with venom in her ear. 

"Stinks of shit." He snarls and tugs on her hair. "Scratch all your skin off, until you are only a heap of blood and bones." He spits at her. "I don't care anymore!" He throws her back and she stares at him with angry eyes before throwing the cloth to the ground and stomping back into the house without another word. 

He rips the cloth up and begins to savagely pull at his own hair, thousands of thoughts running through his mind. 

 

The drying flowers crinkle in his hands as he holds them. 

His damp hair gets in his eyes and he pushes it out of the way. 

He sees his head first and he knows what it is but doesn't want to believe it.

He takes careful steps across the floor, keeping them silent, and slowly looks at the man's face. 

He sees the gun in his hand and when he looks higher up he sees the hole in his head, and the flies.   
They buzz around the thick blood. 

He wants to cry, he wants to scream, he wants to throw up the little he has eaten. He doesn't move the hair out of his face as he stares at the body. 

He sees the watch on his wrist, and is disgusted with himself when he pulls it from his wrist, and stares down at it. 

He pulls the blanket from his shoulders and throws it to the ground. 

What have they become?

 

They are singing, and Stephan stares from the doorway, his lips beginning to curl in disgust.

The old woman is holding Micha on her knee and nodding along to the words. He stares at her. 

Jozef sees her in the doorway and looks over at her, he can practically see the misery in his eyes. He stops singing and when Tomas hears him stop, he turns to him and slaps his arm and they both begin again.

He stares at the picture of the Führer. He remembers a time when he was worshipped, and now Stephan isn't sure what he needs to believe anymore. 

Sara has tears in her eyes, and so does the woman, but for a completely different reason.

"That was lovely." She tells the twins in a shaky voice. "So beautiful."

Jozef grabs Tomas's wrist, and swigs it back and forth. 

The woman sees him and he feels her come up behind him. 

"We broke his heart." She tells him, seeing him looking at the picture. "He loved us so much." She shakes her head and he turns to look at her. "And all the lies. Those Americans. With their photographs." She says bitterly, hatred in her voice. "Actors. The Americans paid all of them." She repeats what Stephan had been continuously told, but still knew, deep in his heart, was a lie.

"Come, my little one." She moved towards the table, holding a crying Micah in her arms. "Come." She repeats. She slams her hand against the table. "Come!"

Tomas moves towards her and stands in front of the woman. She smiles down at him and runs her hand throw his blonde hair. 

Stephan is disgusted.

"Get outside!" He snaps in Sara and Jozef's direction and turns towards Tomas. "Put on your clothes!"

"You can stay here." The woman pleads, coming towards him. "With the baby they give you food." She tries to convince him. 

"You have the boys, yes? The twins?" She asked and Stephan knows what she is trying to ask for.

"Leave me the baby." She begs and he takes Micha from her arms and stares at her over his head. 

He backs out and they leave the house. He can hear the woman sobbing behind them as they depart.


	11. 11.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We have to go to Omi." Tomas says and everyone turns to look at him. 
> 
> "Yes, Omi, we have to go to Omi." James nods along and looks at the soldier.
> 
> "In Hamburg." Jozef calls out and Stephan is staring at all of them with wide eyes. He doesn't know what to do.
> 
> "In Hamburg." James agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It kind of made me laugh alittle when I looked up the name Sara and it said that it was a common Jewish name. I didn't really think that one through.

The sun is barely there and his siblings are laying on the ground, but they are not asleep. 

He rocks Micha up and down. He knows he is hungry, but he has nothing to give him, so he tries to give him any little comfort.

"What did she mean?" Jozef asks and he looks down at him on the blanket. "What she said about the  
Führer?"

"Nothing. She didn't mean anything." He tells him and there's a hint of finality in his voice that tells them that the discussion is over.

"Is the Führer sad?" Tomas asked, looking back at him as he continued to walk around them, bouncing Micha up and down.

He didn't answer.

"Sara? Please?" He asked, holding the crying baby out to her, his mind was fuzzy and he couldn't remember the last the has closed his eyes to sleep.

She stared at him for a minute before shaking her head and turning over and away from him. 

He growled and began to walk through the long grass in the direction of the road, Micah crying the whole way.

~

The sun slowly rises as he walks farther down the dirt road, the dew from the rain has soaked through his boots and made his feet wet, he runs his stained black fingers over Micah's face as he slowly began to calm down.

"The moon has risen." He softly sang to him. He looked across the forest and wondered what could be out there. Birds, animals,

People.

"The gold stars are sparkling," He continued, his voice a dull voice, but it kept the baby calm. "Bright and clear in the sky."

The road seemed to go on forever as he stared ahead, and for a moment he wondered where it would take him if he continued on. 

His footsteps were loud in the quiet morning. 

Stephan looked up and their eyes met. 

He stopped in front of Stephan and Stephan stopped a few feet away and they didn't say anything to each other. 

His eyes must have said enough.

He stared down at his brothers chubby face, before looking back at the bigger man, as he popped pieces of bread in his mouth. 

Stephan knew what he was. He suspected. They all had a kind of way of telling what they were. Selfish and greedy bastards, he remembered his own father's words.

He looked up again and took 3 small steps towards him, but he still didn't speak.

He took 2 more steps forward and he could feel his breath, his eyes were blue, Stephan was confused, the Jews didn't have blue eyes, that is what he had been taught, his hair was dark, almost black, and it fell across his forehead as if he hadn't cut it in months. His skin was tanner then Stephan's. He hadn't tried to attack him yet.

He slowly stopped chewing and stared down at the baby in his arms, Stephan could feel the look of disgust on his face that he felt had permanently come to stay.

He turned around and walked back to where his brothers and sister was laying.

~

He stayed right behind him as they continued to walk down the road. 

Stephan would look over his shoulder and find him there, he hadn't disappear into the woods.

The tires of the truck were load on the road, Stephan look forward and felt dread in his stomach as it slowed. 

"Keep walking." He commanded to his siblings behind him and continued to look forward.

His eyes wondered to the truck and he could hear them unlatching the back, his eyes trained on the ground again. 

They walked past and he could hear one of the soldiers shout out to him. He didn't understand what he said, but he knew they were calling out for them to stop.   
They looked over their shoulders and say 4 soldiers staring at them, Stephan gulped.

"Stay here." He told them and began to walk towards the men. "Stay." He nodded and walked to the soldier in front. 

"Mother? Father?" He asked in German and Stephan understood that but didn't answer it.

"We haven't done anything." He stared up at him, shaking his hair, blonde strands falling in his eyes.

The man, the Jew walked around the side of the truck and Stephan stared at him, the soldier turns and looks.

"We don't know him." He tried to tell the soldier, but he could tell that he couldn't understand what he is saying.

"Papers!" He snapped, turning between the two and Stephan shook his head. 

"Papers, you can only travel with permission." He spoke this time in broken German, but Stephan could understand.

"He was at the school. He was following us." He pleaded, hoping that one of the men could be able to understand him.

"I have papers." The man spoke and Stephan turned to stare at him. He began to pull a wallet out of his pocket and Stephan curled his lips at the yellow star, the man looked at him, he didn't know what to do.

"We need a lift. Atleast as far as Schweinfurt?" He handed a small slip of paper to the man and he took it with a suspicious look.

"Who are you?" The man asked and he answered almost immediately.

"James, I am their brother." He nodded at them. Stephan stared at him, his chest heaving up and down in anger as more lies fall from his mouth. The children are staring at him.

"Hey! You! Yes, you." The soldier turns and points to Sara and motioned her forward. 

She clutches Micha close to her chest and moves forward slowly, her footsteps quiet.

"Your name?" He asked in German, and Sara stares up at him. 

"Sara." She mutters, barely heard.

"Sara." He nodded, testing out the name and Stephan wants to scream at him. "Who is this, Sara?" He points to the man, James.

They are all staring at her, waiting for her to answer. She looks over at James then back to the soldier.

"Our brother." She answers, staring at the ground and Stephan glares at her, surprised by the lie that easily comes out of her mouth, but the soldiers aren't looking at him anymore.

James begins speaking right after. "We've just been to Ansbach, looking for food, and have been walking." He lies, and Stephan decided to see what happens. 

"What about their papers?" The man asks, nodding towards Stephan, and he stares at James with wide eyes. He doesn't know what to tell them. 

"Lost." He supplies and gives Stephan a look. "We lost them in Buchenwald." He says, a note of sadness in his tone and looks to the ground.

"We were moved to Buchenwald from Auschwitz, and we were there until liberation." He finishs and Stephan tries to understand what he is talking about but he can not recall ever hearing about these places.

"We have to go to Omi." Tomas says and everyone turns to look at him. 

"Yes, Omi, we have to go to Omi." James nods along and looks at the soldier.

"In Hamburg." Jozef calls out and Stephan is staring at all of them with wide eyes. He doesn't know what to do.

"In Hamburg." James agrees.

~ 

The ride is bumpy, and they are frightened by the men in American uniforms, holding guns, ready to shoot if a situation called for it.

No one talked.

The silence spoke thousands of words.


	12. 12.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want you touching them, do you understand me?" He spat at him, beginning to get angry at his lack of expression or answer.
> 
> He stared at him for a moment, and placed the cigarette between his teeth again and blew smoke through his teeth. He leaned down and wrapped his fingers around Stephan's bare ankle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be alittle sexual towards the end of this chapter. ;)

The sun was already up when they got to lay down again.

He could hear Jozef and Tomas's breathing next to him and he knew that they were asleep, the walking had taken a great toll on them, since they were the smallest besides Micah. 

Sara was curled at his side and he could feel little puffs of her breath hitting the back of his neck. 

He rolled over slowly so that he wouldn't wake Sara and slowly raised his head from the ground and met James's eyes. 

They were still blue.

He had taken to sleeping a few feet away from him by a tree, but where he was still close.

He rolled over as well so that they were facing each other and their eyes stayed in contact but no words were exchanged between the two. 

He felt a rush of excitement when his eyes ran up and down his dragged up and down his body, and he wanted to cringe at the feeling at the same time. Those were horrible things to think. You would burn in hell for even thinking them. He shivered at the thought. 

His eyes fell to the numbered tattoo on his arm, his eyes running over the different numbers, wondering what they meant for a moment before James saw what he had been looking at and pulled his sleeve over the numbers and met his eyes again.

•

They all stared down at him, the baby was whimpering in James arms. 

He rolled him over on the blankets and he opened his eyes to look up at them.

"He has gotten worse." James told them.

•

James wrapped his arm around his shoulder and the children carried their things behind him as they began to walk through the forest.

He moaned every time they had to slide down a hill or anything else. He wanted to scream at James for touching him, but he was barely strong to open his eyes. 

•

He finally woke up on a hard floor in a place he was unfamiliar with. It felt like he had been asleep for days.

He walked outside in his bare feet and stared up at the sky, something that was rare to see often when they spent most of the day wondering through the forest.

•

He looked down at the food on the cloth, laying on the ground.

"James brought us food." Jozef told him and he looked down at him as he ate.

"Who said you could take the baby?" He spat out angrily and he stared at him with vacant eyes that had turned grey. 

He sat down on the ground and watched him hand out bread to each of the children.

"When my father comes, he will deal with you." He told him when he looked up again, his blonde hair getting in his face. 

"So when is he coming?" Sara asked taking a bite of her bread and talking with her mouth full. 

"Shut up." He snapped at her. 

He stared at him as he cut open a pear with a small knife and he gripped the edge of the blanket and dragged it to him.

He threw a few pieces of fruit in his direction and met his blank stare. "You only eat from that side." He nodded at him and no one argued with him as they continued to eat. 

He met his eyes from across the blanket and he knew that he must have looked just as bitter as James as he ripped a piece of bread away and stuffed it in his mouth. 

"Stop it." He threw his hand out and stopped Tomas from swinging around in the groaning chair.

•

He stared at him from across the fire as he laid under the blanket.

He slowly stood up and walked around the fire towards him. 

He stood right in front of him and stared down at him, he stared at the floor.

"I know what you are." He informed him angrily.

He lit a cigarette from his pocket but still didn't look up at her. "Your a Jew." He whispered down at him as if it was a dirty little secret not to be let out.

"I saw it on your papers." He said and watched him. He blew smoke from between his lips and looked up at her.

"I don't want you touching them, do you understand me?" He spat at him, beginning to get angry at his lack of expression or answer.

He stared at him for a moment, and placed the cigarette between his teeth again and blew smoke through his teeth. He leaned down and wrapped his fingers around Stephan's bare ankle.

He gasped but didn't pull away from his touch, curious. He unlocked his fingers and began to run his fingers up and down his leg, higher and higher till his was almost touching his thigh.

As he tried to go and higher, Stephan jumped away and stared at him with giant eyes. 

The cigarette smoked from between his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you guys like it? This chapter was kind of hard to write, since I'm goingto say Steve is maybe 14-15 in this fic, so he's just beginning to realize how he is changing in alot of different ways. I mean, don't you all remember that change and how weird it was? Well Steve is going through it as a boy after WW2 as a Nazi and he's having a sexual awakening well traveling with a not so bad looking "Jewish" boy, or so he says. ;) ;)


	13. 13.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels Jozef roll over and curl up next to him. 
> 
> He also feels James fingers run through his blonde hair, he tries not to move, but he knows that James knows he's awake. 
> 
> He wants to jerk away. 
> 
> But he stays.

He stared at her as she jumped over a rope on the dusty floor that she had found abandoned in the dusty building 

"One"

He thought about the night before and James's hands, how they felt.

"Two."

He knew how completely wrong his thoughts were. 

"Three." 

He was beginning to find himself not caring.

"Four."

"Five."

"Six."

•

He heard the boys giggling as he washed away weeks worth of dirt from his skin. Sara behind him running a nasty smelling soap through his hair. 

They had both come to a agreement that they would help each other so that the other boys would not see either of their changing bodies, for the twins were to young to yet understand and Stephan could not yet understand if he could trust James, so they just continued the same.

"James said that we aren't allowed in Hamburg." Sara spoke from behind him as he washed his shirt. 

He said it's over the border." She spoke again and Stephan wished that she wouldn't. "Germany is all broken up."

"There's a Russian zone, a British zone, a French zone." She listed as he began to rub his shirt alittle harder. 

"We are in the American one." She ran her fingers through his hair that had began to get to long on their long walk.

"Hamburg is in Germany." He told her firmly, but he wanted to cry as he knew what she was saying was completely true.

"James says... that there isn't a Germany." She says and he clinches a hand in the fabric of the shirt.

"He said the Russians hate us. He says all the enemies hate us and we can't be trusted anymore." She said, working her fingers through his tangles.

"And all the men will be punished." She added after a moment when he didn't talk.

He looked over at James as he tossed his giggling brothers in the water. "Why don't you like him?" She asked casually and he looked away .

"You don't know anything about him." He said matter of factly, and went back to washing his clothes.

"He gives us food." Sara tries to supply.

"He gets food because of Micah, that's why he stays with us." She told her and looked over as he helped the twins out of the water.

"He is a parasite." He said bitterly as water ran down his face and he looked away.

"Mutti wouldn't like him." He tries to tell her and she leans down close to his ear and wraps her arms around his shoulders. "But Mutti also said their would be trains." She whispered in his ear.

"Well I like him." She said finally and stood up from the water.

He began to throw his wet clothes onto the bank.

•

The water somehow felt colder as he continued to run his hands across the top.

He turned his head slightly and looked over where James had been swimming. He climbs to the branch hanging over the water and hangs upside down, facing Stephan's direction, and he doesn't look away. 

He runs his hands across the water and he won't take his eyes away from Stephan. Stephan slowly let's the water cover his mouth until only his eyes and nose are visible. 

His cheeks are hot, he's embarrassed, he can't help it, but he doesn't want him to see. 

It's to quiet, the only thing Stephan can hear is the rushing water and his beating heart.

They don't look away. 

•

Jozef's voice is quiet in the early morning. "Why are there trees growing on the roof?" 

Stephan closes his eyes tighter and strains his ears. 

"They are camouflage." James informs him quietly. 

"Why?" Jozef asks and Stephan knows he should tell him to stop asking so many questions, but he doesn't.

"Because they built bombs." James whispers and whistles to sound like a dropping bomb and Jozef giggles, and Stephan thinks this is the most he had ever heard him talk at once.

"Did you fight?" Jozef asks and James is silent for a moment.

"No, they put me in prison." He said and Stephan opens his eyes but doesn't turn.

"What did you do?" Jozef asks curiously and Stephan plays with a strand of blonde hair as he listens. 

"I stole." He answers and there is a pause. 

"Did you have a gun?" 

"No." He sounds distant, sad, like he was wondering if something would have turned out differently if he had had a gun. 

Stephan hears crumbling and Jozef speaks again. 

"My Vati is fighting in Belarus." He tells him and there's a hint of pride in his voice. 

He feels Jozef roll over and curl up next to him. 

He also feels James fingers run through his blonde hair, he tries not to move, but he knows that James knows he's awake. 

He wants to jerk away. 

But he stays.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What have we done?" He asks, and his whole body shakes, he's close to tears and he doesn't know if he can hold it in any longer.
> 
> He gets no answer.

He sees his coat on the table and he looks around to make sure that all the children were outside playing with James.

He walked under the close line and towards his jacket. He picked it up and slowly looked through all of his pockets.

He pulls the picture of their Vatti out of his pocket and stares at it for a moment, he looks the same as Stephan remembered him but he knew that it was so different. 

He slowly pulled the picture of the soldier that he had torn from the board from his pocket. He holds the two together and he wants to cry. 

But they don't come.

Something tumbles over and makes a load noise and he looks over his shoulder before carefully hiding the pictures under his blanket. 

•

He walks barefoot towards James as he sits down against the crumbling wall. He sits down on the step across from him and watches him as he stares at the trees outside, wiggling his toes deeper in the dirt on the floor.

He looks at him for a moment before he takes a deep breath and stand up before he can talk himself out of it. He stands straight in front of him and their eyes meet. 

"What do you want?" He asked bitterly but it doesn't turn him away, he leans his knees against his hands and James looks up at him, he knows what he is doing.

He waits a moment and slowly leans down to grip his wrist, James looks confused, he doesn't know what he wants. He pulls his hand up and lays it again his navel. He keeps him in place there for a moment and slowly lets him go lower and lower...

He lets out a gasp of breath when he rubs him and his eyes fall closed without his permission at the odd feeling.

Then James head is pressed against his legs and his eyes are open. He looks down at his dark hair and it suddenly reminds him what he is doing, and what he is trying to do it with. 

He pushes him back as hard as he could and James won't look at him. He slowly reaches down for his wrist again but he pulls it away and stands up. 

He stands in front of her for a moment but he won't meet his eyes.

He walks away.

•

The ground is muddy from all the rain before and it's easy to dig a hole quickly. 

He slowly pulls the pictures out of his pocket and stares at them, he has to do this now, they can not keep them. 

He presses them in and pushes the dirt back over them with his hands. 

He looks over his shoulder and sees them walking into the woods. He cleans his hands in a puddle and runs to catch up with them. 

• 

The hill is steep as the slide down it one by one.

They finally make it to the bottom and stare at the wide river in front of them. 

"I don't want to swim it Stephan." Jozef complains.

"It's easy." Tomas says and Stephan snaps at him over his shoulder.

"Shut up Tomas. You can't even swim."

"I can swim with Micah." James suggests from behind him and he looks over at him. "You'll get to the other side and leave us." He said bitterly and no one argued. 

They are silent for a moment and James speaks again. "We have to cross here. There are no bridges for days. " 

"I'll just go down there and have a look." He huffed and James looked down at him. 

•

He hears his footsteps behind him and he looks up at him. 

"Go back!" He snapped at him and it looks like he wants to disagree with him but he just continues walking and he doesn't hear him follow.

•

He sees the boat first and then the fisherman.

He grips his bag alittle tighter and walks closer. "Hello." He says shyly and the old man looks up in surprise.

"God! You gave me a scare!" The man gasps and he laughs, it feels fake, he hopes he doesn't notice.

"What are you doing down here?" He asks and Stephan looks around.

"I am walking." He says simply and the man laughs and takes a step towards him. "I can see that."

"My grandmother lives across there." He says, nodding towards the river. 

"And your parents?" The man asks and he looks to the ground in false despair.

"She has a house with windmills on the walls." He tells him as the man sits back down. "And a big garden with flowers." He explains with a smile.

"Do you know the house?" He asks and the man shakes his head. "No."

"Strange heat today." He says and Stephan nods with a small smile.

"I need to cross the river." He finally tells him and the man drops a knife in the bucket at his side before looking up at him. 

"Come here." He says and Stephan frowns.

"Let me have a look at you." He says and Stephan looks down at his body. 

"Closer." He laughs " I don't bite." He says and Stephan smiles before standing right in front of him. 

He grips the button on the bottom of Stephan shirt and pulls on it. Stephan gasps and pulls away from in.

He stands up and walks towards his nets, ignoring him. He stars at him.

"I can sing something for you." He says with a nervous laugh and the man looks over his shoulder at him. 

"Yes?" He asked, amusement in his voice and turns fully towards him as Stephan giggles. "Go on."

"Little brother dance with me, take my hands." He sings swinging his arms and moving his legs back and forth. "Go this way, then that way, twirl around, it's easy." He sings with a laugh and twirls around and the man waves a hand and groans at him in distaste but he keeps singing. 

"Clap clap clap go the hands, tap tap tap go the feet." He sings, clapping his hands.

He slowly stops when the man turns back towards his nets and Stephan stares at his back with big eyes. 

He opens his bag and pulled the watch he had taken from the dead man and holds it out to him. 

The man holds it to his ear and looks at him. "There's water in it." He says and Stephan frowns.

He looks down into his bag and slowly pulls the glass deer out and holds it out to him. He laughs mercilessly at him.

"A broken watch and a little deer for my troubles." He days and Stephan smiles at him before frowning. 

"It is all I have."

"Do you know how much work I have ahead of me?" He asked, waving a hand around. "And a bleating wife at home. If I don't get this done, no dinner for me." He complains and Stephan looks at the ground.

He turns away from him again and presses the little deer back into his bag. He looks across the river and back to the man. They need some way across. They couldn't do it by themselves.

He looks up again and stops. James is in the open, just on the edge of the trees. Their eyes meet and he knows what they must do.   
He threw his bag to the ground and stares at James. He slowly starts to unbutton his shirt, more skin showing after every one but he doesn't break eye contact.

He steps forward and the man sees him. His eyes follow his pale skin and he wraps a large hand around Stephan's throat, his back turned to James and Stephan doesn't once break their eye contact. All he feels is despair now. 

The man manhandles him and tries to pull his shirt off his shoulders. Stephan stares at James over the man's shoulder and his eyes drop down to the rock in his hand. He knows what they need to do.

His eyes plead with James, please don't let him do this.

The man pulls away and stares at him with giant eyes. "Child, you smell like death." He tells him and then he falls to the ground as the rock smashes into his head.

Stephan jumps away and stares at him on the ground. His chest is heaving, he can't breathe. He looks at him once before the rocks smashes down on his head again. 

James drops the rock at his feet and takes a drink from the man's bottle. Stephan tries to button his shirt again with fingers that he can't keep still.

James sees his struggle and begins to help him. He wants to scream and yell and push at James for what he did, for what they both did, but he just drops his hands and holds still as he touches him.

"What have we done?" He asks, and his whole body shakes, he's close to tears and he doesn't know if he can hold it in any longer.

He gets no answer.


	15. 15.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't touch me." He cried as James got closer but he didn't listen and continued on.
> 
> He suddenly jumped at him and Stephan threw himself under the water, his heart beating so loud he was sure the children on the bank could hear it.

The only sound is the water as they slowly row across the river.

He could feel Sara turn and look at him but he didn't look at her, he stared across the small boat at James, and he stared right back at her with the same blank stare. 

The boat hit the other side and he looked away quickly, and Stephan's eyes dropped. 

James jumped over the side into the water and lifted the children onto land. Stephan continued to sit in the boat, Micah clutched in his arms.

He looked at him and he stood up and walked to the edge of the boat. James gripped his waist and he jumped into the water, Micah crying in his arms. 

James tried to lead him towards land, but he pulled away from his grasp and began walking backwards, his mouth pressed to Micah's forehead. 

James followed him, his eyes begging him not to go farther. He continued walking till the water was at his hips.

"Don't touch me." He cried as James got closer but he didn't listen and continued on.

He suddenly jumped at him and Stephan threw himself under the water, his heart beating so loud he was sure the children on the bank could hear it.

He could feel James hands grabbing for the baby, and he tried to wiggle away but he he got a good grip and pulled the screaming baby out of his arms and handed him to Sara, who instantly started to try and console the sobbing baby. 

He pressed his face into his hands and he wanted to sob. He stood up from the water and started to wade towards land, snarling at James when he looked at him.

\-----

The American border looked ordinary.

People sat everywhere, in the piles of sticks, on the edge of the road, all waiting.

As Stephan walked behind James, he suddenly turned on him and Stephan took a step back.

"If they ask you anything, I'm your brother, and our parents are dead." He told him angrily, and he stared at him for a minute before nodding at him. 

"Wait here." He told him and threw their things on the ground next to him. He watched as he walked towards the American soldiers.

He stopped asked Stephan slowly began to walk towards them. James looked at him over his shoulder and his eyes flashed with anger and he stuffed his returned paper back into his wallet before he quickly began to walk towards him.

"Did you tell them what we did?" He asked before he could say anything, and he looked up at him.

"What?" He snapped in a low whisper.

He began to walk towards the soldiers when James didn't answer him. James gripped his arm and pulled him back. He pushed him towards the children and he began to walk, James on his heels. 

He tried to look over his shoulder, but James continued to push him forward.

"He said the trains are running again. But they won't let us through." He told him once the got back, and he looked back at the soldiers. 

"We'll walk at night. It's safer." He said and all the children stood up from the ground.

"Come." He snapped in a low tone and they began to walk.


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heard someone yell in a language he couldn't understand and his heart almost stopped.
> 
> "Tomas." He screamed at the top of his lungs. Then the shot rang out.

The brown mud felt like it was pulling them into the ground, where they would never be able to get out again as they trudged through it.

Stephan stared out at the piles of trees that had once stood tall and proud, like his country once had. He wanted to cry for his nation, for everything they had lost.

______

They finally made it into the trees just as it was night time. 

There were people everywhere. Children, women, and men. Stephan wondered silently where they all came from.

"Stephan." James called out to him and he continued to walk towards him, looking back over his shoulder every few moments to look at the groups of people.

"What language was that boy speaking?" He asked when he caught up to James and they began to walk again at the same pace again.

"Polish." He told him simply.

"We are in the Russian zone." He explained to him after a minute  
We need to get to the British one." 

"They are from a camp." He told him, his eyes casting over the people walking through the trees.

Stephan stopped for a moment and stared at them again. 

"Come." James said again and he continued to follow.  
_____  
They finally got a chance to lay down and rest as the sun began to rise and they couldn't use the darkness as a cover anymore.

James laid on the end side of the blankets, and Stephan slept on the other, both facing each other, their eyes locked in a stare. 

Stephan slowly rolled over so that he was facing away from him and his piercing blue eyes and he heard James let out a breath before he could hear him get to his feet and walk towards him. 

Stephan didn't look up until James laid down next to him so that they were facing again but closer this time. Stephan's heart skipped and he closed his eyes for a moment. 

He opened his eyes again met James's eyes, and James slowly let his fingers lay against his neck, and Stephan sucked in a breath but didn't pull away from his cold fingers, not even when they began to move down to his shirt collar. 

His eyes were cold, full of sadness and they made Stephan shiver as he wondered what he must have seen. 

He slowly rolled over again and pressed his head against his outstretched arm. This time James didn't move to face him again.

He felt his fingers on his wrist and he twitched but didn't pull away from him. They slowly moved along the veins in his wrist and he wanted to cry and turn and snarl at him but another part didn't want that. He let his eyes fall closed. 

_____

They walked and they walked and they walked some more until Stephan was sure that his feet must be bleeding from it all.

Then they rain came and the forest trees didn't protect them from its attack. They pulled plastic over their shoulders Anne continued walking.

Then they found the body.

James felt around inside his pockets and shook his head when he didn't find anything. Stephan sent the children ahead and he stood behind James as they stared down at the body.

They both walked away without a word.

_____

"Someone's cooking." Jozef whispers, halting the sound of him breaking twigs in his hand and they all turn to look at him.

"I'm hungry." Whispered Tomas and James shushed him as he seemed to listen for any sounds.

He stood up suddenly and looked down at them on the blanket.

"You don't move til I get back." He told them sternly and none of them put up a argument as he walked into the forest and disappeared into the trees.

Will James come back?" Asked Tomas and Stephan shushed him and laid his head back on the blanket as he stared out to where James had disappeared.

____

"Tomas, come here, sit down on the blanket." He told his brother as he continued to play.

Tomas looked into the woods behind them quickly. "He's coming." Said Tomas and Stephan looked over his shoulder in that direction.

"James!" Tomas shouts and takes off into the woods before Stephan can stop him. 

"He brought someone." Sara commented and Stephan takes off after him as he runs through the woods shouting.

"Tomas!" He yelled in alarm when he couldn't see him.

He heard someone yell in a language he couldn't understand and his heart almost stopped.

"Tomas." He screamed at the top of his lungs. Then the shot rang out.

Tomas dropped to the ground and Stephan's eyes widened dramatically. 

James came through the trees running and stopped in his track when he saw his body.

He bent down and pulled his shoes from his small feet quickly and looked up to see Stephan running towards them with tears on his face. 

"Run!" He screamed at Stephan and began to drag him away from the body of his little brother. 

Another shot rang out, closer this time and James pulled harder on his arm as he screamed for Tomas to get up.

The gun shots sounded like they were only feet away and James and Stephan took off, yelling at the children to run in front of them, Stephan sobbing painfully at the death of his brother as they ran. 

He gripped Jozef's hand as they ran for safety through the trees and didn't let go.


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You lie!" He shouted at his back and he turns to look at him.
> 
> "You always lie!" He sniffled and his voice turned hard.
> 
> "You can't help it." He snapped at him and knew that he had his attention.
> 
> "All you filthy Jews!" He shouted the terrible things that he had been taught in his childhood. He didn't care if they children heard his shouts anymore, he didn't care if they could see their closeness. Absolutely nothing mattered anymore.

James angrily tied Tomas's shoes to Jozef's feet.

"They shot him." He growled and Jozef sniffled softly and wiped away a tear. "You should have stayed down like I told you." He said, addressing them all.

"It's your fault they shot him." Sara snapped. "You stole their  food and now he's dead." She told him and Stephan continued to cry silently.

"He fell down." Jozef whispered and James looked up at him.

"He ran the wrong way." He told him and continued to tie his other shoe.

"He should have stayed in the trees." He continued to rant. "On the ground. Like I told you!" He said loudly and angrily and shouted at Jozef when he tried to undo the buckle.

"He should have stayed quiet." He continued, almost to himself now.

"He thought it was you." Stephan finally spoke, looking up at him.

He stared at him with cold eyes. He tore pieces of bread apart and threw it on the ground at each of them.

"It wasn't me."

"Eat!" He shouted at Jozef who continued to look up at him.

"I don't want it." He said and James shouted at him and shoved the piece in his mouth and took another swig from his bottle.

Stephan tried to chew on the bread but he continued to cry into his hands harder as he thought over his brother's dead body.

"If you don't come now I'll leave without you." He said bitterly and Stephan knew that he wasn't lying as he stood up and stalked into the woods.

They all stood up slowly and followed after his retreating figure.

___

Stephan heard James get up from the floor of the crumbling barn and he slowly let his eyes fall open as James walked past their bodies and outside.

He instantly knew what he was doing.

He stood up quickly and followed him outside and down the path.

"You can't leave us." He told him urgently and he looked over his shoulder at him.

He just stared at him for a moment and millions of different emotions flashed across his eyes before he turned away again.

"There are no more borders, you can get there without me." He said plainly and started walking again. "You've got the baby, they'll let you on the train." He said and Stephan felt his eyes well up with tears.

He whimpered and gripped his arm tightly and tried to get him to stop walking. "If you stay, I'll let you keep the baby." He said and he stopped to stare down at him.

"You can keep Micah." He laughed painfully and tried to get him to look at him again.

"I'll tell everyone he died." He pleaded with him.

There was a moment of silence. "I don't want him." He said and turned away but Stephan gripped his arm again and pulled him back.

"You can pretend he's your brother." He finally sobbed out to him.

"I don't want him." He said firmly this time and Stephan didn't make a move to go after him.

He stood back and his nails cut into his palms as he snarled at him. "You won't get away with it." He told him.

"They'll find you." He snapped and began to step back. James stopped and looked at him over his shoulder.

"You'll be punished, like all the others." He told him, shaking his head as James stared at him in surprise.

"Like all the men that do bad things." He finished and James shrugged his shoulders.

"There are men everywhere that do something." He told him matter of factly. "No one cares."

Stephan whimpered and walked towards him. He gripped the front of his shirt and leaned against his stronger body. He pressed one palm to his cheek and pressed his face into his chest.

James roughly pulled him away and framed his face with both of his rough hands, Stephan cried out and James met his eyes.

"I can't help you anymore." He told him and his voice was unsteady and thick and Stephan cried loudly and pressed his face into his hands when he let go.

He stopped him once more and whispered close to his ear. "I told them Mutti and Vati would be there." He sobbed to him and gripped his arm tightly when he tried to turn away again. "But they aren't." He said and he knew that James would know what he was talking about.

He stepped back and tried to take a deep breath.

"I don't care." He told him plainly and cruelly and Stephan screamed.

"You lie!" He shouted at his back and he turns to look at him.

"You always lie!" He sniffled and his voice turned hard.

"You can't help it." He snapped at him and knew that he had his attention.

"All you filthy Jews!" He shouted the terrible things that he had been taught in his childhood. He didn't care if they children heard his shouts anymore, he didn't care if they could see their closeness. Absolutely nothing mattered anymore.

"Sometimes." He started and his voice was quiet again as he spoke. "I look at you and I can see them." He said seriously, taking a deep breath through his nose before looking at him again.

"One lie after another. They are everywhere." He said, his voice beginning to raise in volume again.

He rubbed his fingers against the side of his head as his Mutti had once done when she had a headache and tried to wipe the tears off of his cheeks. "I can't stop thinking of it." He said painfully and watched his blue eyes drop to the ground.

He suddenly fell forward into his arms and they both fell to the wet grass and he let Stephan sob into his chest, holding him loosely.

He left Stephan crying on the ground and picked up a pile of sticks and started walking back up the trail to the barn where Stephan could hear the baby crying.

He stared after him and sniffled into his arm. He could only hope now.


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you promise not to tell?" Jozef suddenly asked and they turned to look at him.
> 
> "What?" He asked quietly, nothing really mattered anymore.
> 
> He slowly pulled a brown wallet out of his pocket and handed it to him. "I only did it so he couldn't go." He said and Stephan didn't say anything as he took it from his small hands.

The train was loud as they drove through Germany.

James whispered to Sara and Jozef to try and sleep and Stephan held Micah as he slept and he and James listened into the group of people across from them talk about the camps.

Stephan stood up to get away from their noise and the train quickly lurched to a stop. He leaned over the edge and stared at a group of men looking through all the train cars with flashlights.

They were looking for people without papers.

People stood up in the car and some gripped their things and left as quickly as they could, to frightened at the idea of being sent away again.

He looked over at James as he patted his pocket. His eyes grew wide and Stephan almost asked him what was wrong but the look on his face told him everything.

"My wallet." He said frantically. "It has to be here."

Jozef stared up at him and rapped his small arms around his waist. James looked up and saw the men coming towards them and he pushed them off.

___

Stephan saw James walk towards him. He slowly came to stand in front of him, their eyes meeting. They didn't talk, they didn't need to. Stephan knew what was going to happen next.

He looked over his shoulder once before pressing a hand to Stephan's shoulder and leaning so close that Stephan could feel his breath.

Then he was gone.

Stephan turned and looked to watch him quickly weave through the bodies on the train and disappear outside. He quickly tried to pushed through the crowd of people to a window to see him in the night.

He stopped once and looked over his shoulder at him one last time with his light blue eyes as if he knew he would be there.

And then he disappeared into the dark. Stephan never saw him again.

___

The sound of the water was peaceful to their ears which had only recently heard the sounds of post war.

He digged his feet deeper into the mud and stared out across water and wet land.

Once they got back onto the wagon the only sound that could be heard was the wind and the horse's splashing feet.

"Do you promise not to tell?" Jozef suddenly asked and they turned to look at him.

"What?" He asked quietly, nothing really mattered anymore.

He slowly pulled a brown wallet out of his pocket and handed it to him. "I only did it so he couldn't go." He said and Stephan didn't say anything as he took it from his small hands.

He opened it and shifted through the papers and pictures before looking up at him for a minute then back down.

"It's not him."

He seemed to stare at it forever but then he spoke in a small voice. "James Barnes." He said and wondered for a moment what kind of name that was.

"He said that it didn't matter." Jozef said. "The man was a Jew. He was dead already. The Americans like Jews. So he pretended to be a Jew." He said with the understanding that only a small child could have.

Stephan stared at him for a moment, speechless.

"So what is his name?" She asked and Jozef shrugged.

"He didn't tell."

"Those are the dead Jews photos." He told as he pulled a few photos from the pocket.

He stared at them for a moment and saw their happy faces and for a moment wished he remembered what that felt like.

He quickly put the papers back in the wallet and put it on his lap. They didn't speak again.


	19. 19.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You lied." Sara suddenly said angrily, and Stephan knew that it had been coming.
> 
> "He said Mutti would be here." She said to Omi as she saw her questioning eyes.
> 
> "I'm sure Stephan didn't lie." She shook her head at her and Stephan wanted to step in. He had lied, he had no excuse for it. But he continued to be quiet.

19

They slowly walked across the water logged field, ignoring the water that seeped into their shoes, chilling their feet. 

Stephan stopped in front for a moment and stared at the house at the end.

It was just as he remembered it.

"Is this Omi's house?" Sara asked from behind him and he looked over his shoulder at her.

"I think so." He said and continued walking. 

"The lights are on." Said Jozef as they entered the yard.

___

The trees hung over them in a dark blanket and the barking dog made the baby cry, but none of that mattered as their Omi opened the door and stepped outside to see who it was. 

"It's me Omi, Stephan." He said and she looked closer at them then a look of surprise covered her face. 

"Oh my God, Stephan." She said and came closer. "Where is my Sara?" She asked looking at them. "Where is Mutti?" She asked frantically. "Where have you come from, child?" She asked and stared at him in question. 

"From the Black Forest, Omi." He told her, looking at her over the baby's head.

___

Omi moved around the kitchen quickly, making them all food to eat. 

"You have all grown so big." She said, excitement in her voice as she sat a plate of apples in front of Sara for Micha to eat.

"And here's little Peter." She said lovingly, looking down at the him. 

She turned and looked at Jozef. "And this is Tomas." She said and they all shared a look. 

"No." He said and swallowed painfully, suddenly remembering his brother's body. "No, he is dead." He said and looked at Sara. She had tears streaking down her face.

"In Russia." She added after a moment and he nodded. "This is Jozef." He told her.

She looked surprised for a moment and she sat the pitcher down on the table.

"You lied." Sara suddenly said angrily, and Stephan knew that it had been coming.

"He said Mutti would be here." She said to Omi as she saw her questioning eyes.

"I'm sure Stephan didn't lie." She shook her head at her and Stephan wanted to step in. He had lied, he had no excuse for it. But he continued to be quiet.

"She's not here, because she's being punished, isn't she, Omi? She's in the prisons with Vati." She said and Stephan winced and Omi opened her mouth as if to say something before sitting it again. 

"You must never be ashamed of them." Omi finally said to her in a stern voice.

"It is all over now." She continued and Sara wiped the tears away from here cheeks. "Your parents did nothing wrong. You know that, don't you?" She asked and none of them said anything.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." She suddenly snapped and they all jumped on their seats and turned to look at her.

"They did nothing wrong." She said in a calmer voice, as if she was only reassuring herself of this.

"Yes, come." She finally said and put the plates of food out for them to eat.


	20. 20.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked at his body in the mirror. His knees were bruised from his ankles and up, there were bruises on his hips. He quickly pulled his pants on and his shirt followed, as he tried to forget about the purple spots that littered his chest.

20

"Give me your arm." He told Jozef as they washed the weeks of grime away from their bodies.   
He washed him and smiled at him when he grinned at the tickling feeling of it.

He looked at Sara and saw her expression and then they are all silent again, frowning down at the cloudy water. 

Jozef put his mouth under the water and began to blow bubbles. He pinched his nose and put his entire face under the water, and only pulled it up after about a minute. 

____

He slowly woke up. 

The bed he slept on must have been one of the softest things he had felt in the last few weeks of his life, compared to the hard ground that they had gotten use to. 

He slowly turned his head and looked at the sunlight coming through his window. 

He saw the pants and shirt laid out at the end of his bed and slowly picked them up.

He looked at his body in the mirror. His knees were bruised from his ankles and up, there were bruises on his hips. He quickly pulled his pants on and his shirt followed, as he tried to forget about the purple spots that littered his chest. 

____

He slowly walked through the house, looking into every room until he came across the one he was looking for. 

The walls were a soft blue color as his Mutti had described when she had slept within the four walls and it looked like nothing had even been touched in the room, until he had come to live in it. Disturbing the fragile peace that could so easily be broken.

His eyes caught the fragile glass deer sitting on top of the wooden dresser. She had told him about how they had all been to fragile to take at the same time when she had married their Vati, so she only took a single one, so that she could remember. 

He slowly pulled the small deer from his pocket, and stared at it for a moment, wondering what her Mutti had found so special about it, before he got up and carefully put it next to the others, where it rightfully belonged. 

He turned to look at the pastures and felt a rush of jealousy towards the sheep eating quietly in the green pastures, and the small deer forever sculpted in one position, and even for his younger siblings just in the other room. 

At least they belonged somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, this felt like the most emotional chapter yet. I know it's short, so sorry. That idea at the end about not belonging just came out of no where and after i wrote it i was like, did i write that? i couldn't have done that, lol. But anyway tell me what you guys thought about it inthe ccomments, i really love to hear what you guys think of it. I even take constructive criticism well. Only about 5 chapters left! Woah!


	21. 21.

He quietly turned the corner into the kitchen to see who the singing was coming from and stopped when he saw Sara dancing around the kitchen with a woman he recognized as Omi's maid. 

She stopped when she saw him standing in the doorway and a smile overtook her face and they both stopped to look at him in the doorway. 

"Stephan Rogas!" She said happily and leaned against the table as she caught her breath. 

"Let me look at you, young man." She said and he looked towards the ground in embarrassment and came forward. "The last time I saw you, you were just a little boy!" 

"Come, sit." She said and quickly pulled out a chair for him to sit in. 

"What would you like for breakfast?" She asked excitedly and looked down at him. 

"Show him the dance Wiebke!" Sara exclaimed from behind her and Wiebke clapped her hands. 

She began to pull him up but he tried to pull away from her. "I'm alright." He said but Sara whined from behind her. 

"Come on, Stephan, you'll like it." She said and he tried to shake his head. 

"Leave me be." He told them softly, like a plead but they wouldn't listen to him. 

"He never wants to do anything fun." She told Wiebke and she scoffed as she disagreed.

"Oh, I don't believe that Stephan!" She said and pulled him to his feet. 

He took his hands and placed them on her shoulder and the small of her back. He wanted to wrench his hands away and yell at them for making him want to do anything. It wasn't fair, He thought. But he kept still. 

She started to dance them around and he barely moved as she sang and danced. She quickly moved that so Sara could take her place. 

Sara shook their arms and twisted their hips and Wiebke sang from behind him. 

Sara must have seen the look of misery on his face because she began to slow to a stop until they were only holding hands inbetween them she looked at him as tears filled her eyes. 

"Please." He whispered to her. "I can't." He begged softly and shook his head as he stared at his sister, the person that he should be able to share anything with. 

Their hands slipped away from each other and he let them fall to his sides as he left the room and didn't look behind him. 

~~~~~

The climb up the tree wasn't hard and he leaned back as he hid away from anyone that could see him and wonder what he could possibly be doing. 

The papers crinkled quietly as he pulled them from the small leather wallet and placed them in his lap to read. 

He read over the words on the papers again and stared down at the picture as he noticed the difference between the man in the picture and James he remembered. He wanted to cry at his stupidity at how he hadn't noticed the differences before. 

He slowly pulled the Jews pictures from the wallet and stared down at the face of the beautiful dark haired girl. He sniffled as he sorted through pictures of large families and women and men holding babies and moments of happiness captured long ago by camera. 

He flipped one over of a couple looking lovingly into each other eyes and read the writing on the back. 

"James with Lisa." 

He stared down at the dark eyes of the pretty girl again and let his bruised and dirty fingers run over a rip on the side before he turned it over. 

"Lisa Breakfast - Spreewald."

He flipped through the pictures all through the day and stared out across the field of sheep until his Grandmother called him in for the night. 

~~~~~

It was dark, everyone was asleep but the constant knocking on his window persisted until he swung his legs over the side of his bed quickly and walked to the window to see what it was before it woke anyone else up. 

He flung it open and his eyes widened as he stared into the dark blue eyes of James once again. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither wanting to break the silence, but Stephan did it first. 

"Why did you leave us?" He asked and and the need to add 'me' to the end was almost to great of a desire to bare. He did not ask how he had found him or how he even knew what window was his but he asked why he had left them on the train. 

James did not speak at first, his dark eyes running up and down his face as if he could not believe that he was actually staring into his eyes once again. 

"I did not want to." He said vaguely and Stephan tipped his head to the side but did not ask him to explain as he asked the question that had been running through his head ever since he had left them behind. 

"Did you love me?" He asked and he dreaded the answer that he never got as he slowly woke up from the dream and blinked the sleep from his eyes. 

He stared up at his ceiling and finally let the hot tears run down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I feel like the writing for this chapter was just terrible but a lot of you guys wanted them to see each other again but I had no idea how I could work that into the story without messing up the end because that is one of my favorite parts, you know, so the only thing I could think of was throwing that terrible terrible dream in because we just need to see how much we can break Steve's heart before the end of the story. Joking ;) 
> 
> Oh my gosh, we are almost to the end! Can you believe it, it feels like I just wrote the first tiny chapter yesterday. I remember writing it and thinking wow, this is going to be awhile till I finish this. No joke. 
> 
> But anyway, the last scene in the movie is one of my absolutely favorites in the whole thing. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't actually watched the movie before but I just feel like they are showing us how by doing what she did she was kind of putting a end to her innocence. Lol, I don't know how to explain my crazy old thoughts. And then it just cuts off into the field and I'm just sitting there like damn that was the deepest most metaphorical movie I've ever seen in my whole life. But I love it. 
> 
> Anyone I'm sorry if this update was kind of late for you guys. I've been having internet trouble for awhile and have only just now been able to post this chapter and I'm hoping that it can be fixed soon so that I can have these last chapters posted by the end of my summer break. 
> 
> Who's still on Summer break? Mine ends August 11, in 12 days :'( . Btw I've been wanting to ask you guys, does my writing sound like a adult is writing or a younger person? I won't give you details or anything but I'm younger then 21 and older then 13 and I've always wanted to know how old I seem in my writing to other people. 
> 
> Anyway thank you guys for reading this chapter! I hope not to many of you are mad by that dream! And I will cut off here so that A/N is not longer then the chapter. :D


	22. 22.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You may leave the table." She snaps finally and he turns to look at her with hateful eyes, as his jaw worked up and down as he chewed. 
> 
> He stands up and throws his napkin on the table before he leaves for his bedroom, all of their eyes on his back as he stomps away in anger.

They are all stiff backed and staring straight ahead as they are served their dinner. The cloth over the table is clean, crisp and white. It's a reminder to him for a moment of what their lives use to be like. What they use to have.

Jozef takes a seat at the table beside him but he doesn't turn to look at him. Jozef grabs for a roll and the whole table shakes as their grandmother grips his wrist in her tight grasp, almost as threatening as her dark eyes.  
He turns and looks as she starts to chaste him for not waiting to be served like a good boy. His lips curl at her words. 

"Where did you learn such a thing?" 

He throws his hand out and rips a roll from the middle of the table before he rips it apart with his teeth. He feels all of their eyes on him but he continues by spilling his milk over onto the table cloth and drinking it from his palms. 

"You may leave the table." She snaps finally and he turns to look at her with hateful eyes, as his jaw worked up and down as he chewed. 

He stands up and throws his napkin on the table before he leaves for his bedroom, all of their eyes on his back as he stomps away in anger. 

______ 

The beautiful deer figures turn into harsh, sharp pieces as he throws them to the ground. He listens to the crash over and over and wonders for a moment why no one had come to stop him yet. They must have heard by now. 

He plucks another deer from the dresser and stares down at the tiny thing in his palm, rolling it back and forth as he stares at it. 

He carefully places it on the floor and watches as it turns to pieces under his boot. 

He slowly leans down and sweeps all of the tiny shards into his hands and carefully lays them in the middle of the dresser top.

The tiny broken heads stare back at him and he doesn't cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I'm like crying because it's been so long since I've written and this is the last chapter. 
> 
> I just want to thank everyone that has read, commented, and given me kudos on this story. You guys are amazing and I'm sorry it has taken so long to written this. 
> 
> I can remember when I first started this like forever ago and I hope that this was a good end for you guys. Hopefully if you haven't seen Lore I have persuaded you to watch it. :) 
> 
> Thank you again and for the last time, tell me what you think in the comments below.


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